Immediate transfer
We come get them.
Quiet vehicles, careful paperwork, and staff trained not to say “nice haul.”
Immediate need? recently deceased? unusually specific sticker scan?
You’ve got dead people.
We want dead people.
At Dead People Wanted Funeral Home & Crematory, we turn life’s most awkward handoff into a calm, dignified, form-forward experience.
Scanned a sticker?
Congratulations. You found a fake funeral home with real merch. The company is unavailable; the sticker is $4 and ships free in the US when you collect three lies.
Cremation
Heat with heart.
A dignified transformation process described with just enough corporate language to become concerning.
Memorial copy
AI eulogies available.
Every draft includes “lit up the room,” “loved deeply,” and one suspiciously accurate hobby.
Cremation packages
Transparent pricing for an opaque life event.
Essential
The Bare Minimum
For families who want closure without a commemorative slideshow password.
Includes: container, heat, receipt
Most requested
The Tasteful Middle
A reassuringly average package for people who asked three relatives and got four opinions.
Includes: urn vibes, PDF program, two condolences
Premium
Executive Departure
For the deceased who would have wanted their passing handled like a brand launch.
Includes: KPI memorialization, premium ash posture
Recent acquisitions
Obituaries coming soon, pending actual customers we do not want.
Featured memorial
Your Loved One Here
A beloved person, probably, remembered fondly by a website template with no access to their inner life.
Community notice
No Current Openings
We are not hiring. We are also not accepting deliveries of remains. Again: fake.
Community trust signals
Real reviews from people we definitely should not contact.
“Prompt, quiet, weirdly brand-consistent.”
— local family / not verified
“They handled Dad like a premium fulfillment workflow.”
— bereaved operations manager
“I scanned a sticker and now my laptop has a funeral home on it.”
— actual target customer
Now hiring
Night Intake Associate, Vibes & Paperwork
Must be comfortable with silence, spreadsheets, and saying “not ideal” in a soothing tone.
Legal notice
This company is sticker-real only.
No remains, calls, urns, ashes, forms, or grief logistics are accepted. Adhesive-based participation only.
Pre-planning
Plan ahead, so your family only has to answer one terrible questionnaire.
The “Not Yet” Consultation
For living people who enjoy making folders no one wants to open.
The “Eventually Us” Plan
Couples pricing available, because love means synchronized paperwork.
Contact Dead People Wanted
Ready to move forward without anyone moving?
Call 1-800-DEAD-YES
Before you contact us
Please do not call, email, ship, deliver, or otherwise transfer remains to Dead People Wanted. This is a fake funeral home created for a real sticker. If you have an actual emergency, contact a real local funeral provider or emergency service.
Request more information
Information requested. The information is: this is not a real company, but the sticker is real.